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| soccer game in our backyard when it all hit me |
Dear Family and Friends,
The other day I was playing soccer in our
backyard with a group of boys. We were having a send-off party for a good
friend, Father Timothy Walsh, who is heading on to a new assignment. I worked
closely with him over the last year, and he has been a godsend of a mentor in
more ways than one for this baby priest.
There were over a hundred people there in our backyard –
quite the crowd!
Moments earlier, I had pulled out the soccer ball, and
little by little it drew the boys in like a magnet. Before long we must have
had a 10 on 10 game. Lots of fun, needless to say. After tiring myself out, I
had taken the place of the goalie, and was watching the game. The boys ranged
from 3-year-olds all the way through a few high school freshmen. Most of the
little ones hadn’t really passed the “mob-ball” stage yet. They spent the game
stealing the ball from their teammates and trying desperately to score. It was
a lot of fun watching them, really.
Earlier that day, I had been thinking about one of the hard parts of
being a priest. You take a vow of celibacy, and so you don’t get married. No
wife. No kids. It was something I had to think long and hard about before I
took that vow. Because, personally, I’d love to be married. I’d love to have a
family. I know it wouldn’t be all fun and games – one sitting in the
confessional makes that clear very quickly – but I do know that it would be
very fulfilling, that it would fill a hole in my heart.
But I took the vow. And I became a priest. And I didn’t do
that out of masochism, or a spirit of penance, or hoping that the rules would
change. I did it because I believe God called me to be a priest. I did it
because I believe that there is more to fatherhood than physical fatherhood
alone. But there’s always been plenty of mystery to all this.
As I stood there in the goal, watching the boys play, God
gave me a little more clarity. Simply put, I realized that these were my
children. My family. My spiritual family. My spiritual children. And these were
only a part. There are more than just the hundred that were there. Many of them
go to the school where I’m chaplain and they call me father. Others I meet in
my travels. Others I serve on retreats and summer camps.
If I were to have my own family - a physical one – I’d have
as many children as God would give us (I always wanted to have lots!). Nine,
maybe, like my mom and dad had, if I was lucky, But not a hundred! And the kids
I was playing soccer with are wonderful kids, from wonderful, faith-filled
families. I would do my best at parenting, but I doubt if any of my kids would
turn out as good as these.
Get it? If I were physical father to some, then I couldn’t
be spiritual father to all. After taking a vow of celibacy, God has given me
more children, and better children, than I could ever have otherwise. It seems
so contradictory, and you certainly don’t see it that way when you’re
contemplating never walking down the aisle with Miss Right at your side.
Sure, my desire was, and is, to be married. But there is a
greater reality. That hole in my heart is still there, but, to my surprise,
there is One who fills it in a marvelous way.
It all doesn’t make sense at first glance, or even at the
ten-thousandth glance… but for God it makes sense. And sooner or later, often
little by little, God lets us see things His way. He gives us glimmers and
moments of clarity that help us keep going.
Please pray for all priests, that we may be faithful to our
vows, and that we make seek our wholeness from the only One who can truly give
it – God Himself. His is the everlasting Romance.
May He bless you and your families,
Father Kevin
Father Kevin
